I love you.

Truly, madly, deeply, love you.

Yes, I know I say it a TON. But I mean it.

I can’t even liken the things I feel for you, to anything I have ever felt for another person. It’s fucking overwhelming. To the point of tears at times, overwhelming.

I miss you constantly when you’re not around and I am always praying for 5 more minutes with you. But honestly. It’s not enough. 5 minutes will never be enough to kiss you good-bye, stare into those gorgeous blue eyes and watch how the corners of them crinkle with happiness when I say I love you. Those lines in the corners of your eyes, I love them. Then again, I can’t find anything about you I don’t love.

I know I say these things a lot, and I get mushy and emotional and sappy and lovey and probably a little clingy. especially lately. I know I have been clingy lately.

I have really been trying not to be clingy, and to give you that space and freedom. I don’t ever want you to feel suffocated or like you don’t have that freedom that we both so deeply value. I also recognize the fact that I could absolutely spend a lot more time with you and not feel confined or restricted. Because you make it such a point to allow me that independence and to encourage it, I don’t see how I could feel anything but free.

I would actually like to be a little less free to do as I please. I don’t want to tell you what to do. We had this conversation multiple times already. It kind of ruins it to tell you how I like things or what I want you to do.

However. There is a point where it’s ok to tell you some things. Like I would have never known that you preferred cookies to cake and pie before either of those had you not told me. So, this results in you getting more pie instead of cake. Simple logic really.

Yet I have been really hesitant to tell you about the little things that I want and need.

I don’t feel like it is my place to ask for those things.

Our relationship has taken a much more serious turn towards D/s and every day I find there is less and less vanilla in it. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely LOVE it. I wouldn’t change one bit of that.

I need to work on communicating better with you and being more direct however.

I tend to beat around the bush a lot because I don’t want to come out and ask you something for a number of reasons. The first being I don’t feel like it is my place. I get what I get and that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. The second being that I don’t want to be that, needy, whiney, clingy, girlfriend that makes every guy roll their eyes and sigh, “ugh, what now.” Fuck that. I want you to smile every time you see my name pop up on your phone. Not sigh or groan because I stress you out.

I don’t want you to feel like I am blowing up your phone when I send you multiple messages. A lot of time I am just bad about condensing them into one and I always have a lot to say, but I am content to wait for a response. I don’t expect an immediate answer.

So, long winded story short: I’m not clingy. Go, be independant and free and I am happy and content to do my own thing until I get to see you again. But, I want you to have a little more say in things in my life.

For example. The mace.

Sir.

Just tell me to carry the fucking mace.

I’ll do it, and I won’t feel like you are impeding on my life and independance one bit.

Yes, I am absolutly capable of taking care of myself, But, I actually LIKE the fact that you are protective of me. I like that I feel safe with you. I like that Alpha male, territorial, protect what is his, gruff, no games, “no one is gonna disrespect my lady” attitude. It makes me feel good. Plus I have crazy ex’s, so the mace is probably a good idea.

SO if you want me to carry the mace, I will carry the mace. If you want me to do something else, just tell me. I will do that too.

I value your input. If I ask you for your opinion I am asking for an opinion and I will decide what to do based on the total sum of ideas for that issue. However, Sir, if I ask you what I should do , I want you to make that decision and tell me what I need to do.

I try to be a good girl. I really do. But I need a little more structure from you, I think that is part of why I have been a little extra sassy lately. I thrive in structure and routine.

So, Sir, I want a little more structure, and a little more control. Please.

Sometimes I also feel like I am a little to much with the emotional, lovey dovey stuff. That really isn’t me. I don’t know why you bring out a whole different side of that from me. I have actually been told, by more than one person, that I am pretty COLD.

But it just comes out.

There is a lot more there behind that too, but I manage to suppress it fairly well.

I don’t want to scare you, or myself for that matter.

My mother asked about you the other day when we had dinner. She was really quiet when I answered her questions and was giggling. Because I giggle like a fucking idiot when I talk about you.

Seriously, like a fucking idiot.

She is pretty pleased that I am happy actually and for once, actually gave some positive encouragement verses her normal “Stay away from those boys.”

As we were leaving she tells me she is glad I am happy. Then she said “I just really hope, he doesn’t break your heart.”

I thought about that statement all the way home.

I took a huge risk with you. A HUGE risk, just like you did with me.

After my last serious relationship, I didn’t think I could trust another man again. I didn’t want a relationship, I certainly didn’t want one with somebody that has kids. I didn’t want to get excited to see someone. I didn’t want to fall in love with someone. I didn’t want to trust someone again and I didn’t see myself happy with someone.

But here I am.

And as my mothers words echo in my ears I think about how happy I am with you. I can’t imagine myself without you now.

I feel as if I have known you for ages. I can’t rationalize how I haven’t known you forever.

You feel like home to me.

I love you Sir.